Meditation

Meditation – 4 week session: Sundays, 6:00 – 7:00 pm, Mar 20 – Apr 10
Registration deadline: March 14. ($48) Yoga Bella studio - Chanhassen, MN

Meditation is what is needed right now. With our foundations shaking, stress and strife rampant and many people pushed to the brink, we need to turn inward to find the answers.

Meditation (in what ever form or name) has always been the way for humans to stay connected to our source and to hear the inner voice. It is our way to connect to our intuition, to know the truths of our Self and Ourselves. We have all become so disconnected to everything that we've allowed great atrocities to occur, without even the blink of an eye. It's time to come back, to re-connect and to re-member who we truly are and what we are here to do. Meditation can take us there.

Physically, meditation has numerous benefits, from stress relief to better breathing, memory retention and lowered blood pressure. Even if you don't know what I mean by "reconnect and remember", you know you can get some physical benefits from exploring this practice. It is just the beginning and a great start it is!

Each class we’ll explore different methods of meditation and we’ll try both quiet meditation and guided meditation. Use this class as a way to create a meditation practice and to address the specific concerns or issues that come up as you continue your practice. This class is definitely for you if you’ve ever said, “I can’t meditate because I can’t make my mind stop.” (and I'll explain the misconceptions about meditation as well) Wear comfortable clothing and bring something soft to sit on, such as a blanket or cushion.

How do You Grow Your Mind?

There has been talk over the last few years about challenging or "exercising" the mind in order to aid in avoiding Alzheimer's disease, among other things. You may have also heard of those individuals living to great age explaining that they have "kept their mind young" as a secret to living to that age. Any way you look at it, using and challenging your mind is just as crucial as exercising your body.
The terms or concepts of Mind and Body or Mind/Body/Spirit are also being used a lot. The concept is a useful one, but now it seems to have just become a marketing term and everyone has jumped on the bandwagon. What does it really mean? It's stems from an age old questions and one in which philosophers and psychologists have wrestled with for centuries. Is the brain separate from the body? Is the body just a machine run by the brain? Are they connected? The answer is most definitely. The mind and the body - and the spirit - are inextricably linked. What you do to one affects what happens to the other. So when I say exercising your mind is just as crucial as exercising your body, it's more than just point of reference.
It's necessary to grow all parts of your self. When you grow your mind, chances are you'll make improvements to your body (or they may even happen with little effort). Work on improving your body and find your mindset improving as well. Now your spirit. Ever notice that when you exercise your body regularly that you feel better, your thoughts are clearer, your mood improves, you are kinder to others or more tolerant, and you have more patience? There are all kinds of physiological processes that can be described to explain all of this, but do you need to know that in order to know it's just better? All you need to know is that everything in your life seems to improve. That's all that's important. Then use that to keep doing what you're doing.
It can work the other way as well. Grow your mind and chances are you'll find junk food no longer appealing or you may find giving up soda much easier. You may stumble on a class or be motivated to go for more walks or develop a meditation practice. The question is, how do we grow our minds? We all know what it takes to exercise the body, but do we really know what exercises our minds?

Write something. The act of having to articulate your thoughts and put them together in a coherent fashion can really cause you to think.

Take up a class in something new. Knitting, acting, dancing, book clubs or language classes are good ways to make you think.

Read a non-fiction book. Fiction books are great, but truly are more entertaining. Better yet, get a how-to book and learn something new.

Avoid the news. We think news educates us, yet it's really just depressing information that adds no particular value to our lives. Does knowing who got murdered really help you? Does hearing about the latest politician test your brain skills or just your patience? Can you live without it? Probably.

Help someone else. Volunteer somewhere, anywhere. Go to your kids school, the local shelter, build a house for someone or visit an invalid or someone elderly. You may be surprised by the skills you learn but more importantly the perspective you gain. That could be the most important learning of all.

Do you have examples of how you grow your mind? Please share!

The Hidden Good in All

Many people believe these to be tough times. Many are experiencing challenges like they've never experienced before. Small challenges, such as your children getting in to trouble a lot or appliances breaking down, and big challenges, such as job loss or life disturbances caused by the earth (can anyone say volcano?). How do we handle these challenges? What do we do in the face of seemingly insurmountable circumstances?

We need to let go. We need to focus in. We need to go with the flow. We need to surrender to love.

In times of challenge we're usually pushed into fear and fear brings panic. I can't think of anyone who hasn't done something regrettable when in fear and under pressure. Lose your job? PANIC - I need to make money NOW and take the first job I can get! Kids have bad grades? PANIC - They need to be grounded to show them how serious this is. Family member have a health crisis? PANIC - we need to fix it NOW!

Most actions taken when in fear and panic are not what your heart truly desires. These actions are of the ego and not from the authentic self. The authentic self, your soul, knows no bounds and only has your best interest as it's goal. In every challenge there is a lesson to learn. In seemingly bad situations there is often a path of even better options. It's a path we sometimes miss when we're caught up in the panic.

How do you know that your job loss isn't really a path towards an even better job? How do you know that the illness you experience won't set you on the path towards true and lasting health? How do you know that your kids failing grades won't bring you to the path that really brings your family together? You don't. So stop trying so hard to do things your way and trust that there are reasons and better ways, if only you stop long enough to pay attention.

Newbies and Seasoned

This past weekend I had the pleasure and privelage to attend a dance training with a variety of teachers, both local and national. I always enjoy events of this type, not only for the chance immerse myself in an experience, but also to see how others teach and pick up some inspiration for my own teaching. I also tend to learn a lot about what makes a good teacher, a not-so-good teacher and what makes a GREAT teacher. But more on that later.

One of the nuggets I picked up from this weekend was the Newbies vs. the Seasoned. I love this because I think it really applies to many things. It was stated in the context of dance, but I think it applies to Yoga as well. I can see it happening with many artistic endeavors - music, theatre, and even job skills and parenting. It's also something to ponder for yourself, as you practice any kind of sport or art or skill. Use this information to help you practice like you are Seasoned. Use it to create more depth in what you are practicing and in utilizing your energy differently.

Newbies are beginners. Maybe you've just learned some substantial pieces of music or just finished acting lessons. Maybe you are just getting acclimated to a new work climate and want to show off what you "bring to the table". Maybe you've just had a baby. Maybe you are up on stage for the first time. Maybe you've taken a few yoga classes and know a few poses. Newbies are fresh and full of energy. Some of that energy is excitement and some of that energy comes from being nervous. As a Newbie at anything we get excited about showing off. "Look what I can do!" We gladly show or tell anyone that will watch or listen. We get in class and want to push ourselves just so everyone can see how flexible or strong we are. We get up on stage and overact. We talk loudly and often about the great things we do for our kids. We put every move we've got into the dance. Everything a Newbie does is energy out. There is so much energy it only has one way to go! We overwhelm others sometimes with all the things we ask of them. I love this energy and enthusiasm. Sometimes, though, it can be like a 3-year-old constantly asking, "Look at me! Look at me!" Seasoned people, on the other hand, are all about internal. If I'm seasoned, everything I do is for ME. My actions come from deep internally. I take my time and experience for myself everything that I do. I move slowly, yet confidently. I do things for my own love of it and the expression of the art. If you are a seasoned actor, you really get into a role and feel what it's like to be that character. If you are a seasoned musician or dancer, you really feel the music and play or dance for the sheer joy of it. If you are a seasoned professional (in any field), you quietly incorporate new learning and experiences into your craft, fine tuning to make it just the way you want it. It's as if everything you do is for you, and the rest of us are just lucky enough to be there to witness it.

Even if you are a Newbie, you still can have some of the Seasoned experience. Slow down. Pay close attention and experience everything from the inside out. Feel what it's like to do things for you, and not for the attention it garners from others. Practice, play, move, teach, share and work all for the sheer joy and love of what you do. Not for anything, or anyone, else.

Time to sit down

It's time for meditation. For me at least. I don't know about you. Do you meditate in the morning? Do you sit in the middle of the day? Do you meditate at all?

I have wanted for years to meditate. I thought about it but never really did it. At first I did so with guilt. Then I let go of the guilt and spent some time in longing, wishing I could be that dedicated. I've even taught classes in meditation - how to do it, when and where to sit, and of course, why it's important - but I didn't do it regularly myself. It wasn't until almost a year ago that I realized the deep connection I sometimes felt was something I really wanted to tune into on a regular basis. So then I made a concerted effort.

I tried mornings and found my body was just too stiff for it to be tolerable. I was more apt to be interrupted in the morning, once one or all 3 of my children woke up. I tried the middle of the day. The challenge was that the middle of the day was different each day because my schedule varied so much. I like consistency and needed that to create this habit. I settled on the evening. After the children where asleep and the house was dark and quiet I found more places in my home that seemed comfortable for meditating. I like my bedroom on the floor or sitting on my bed. I like the couch, near the corner table. I would practice stillness while lying with my children as the drifted off to sleep. I would spend a few moments in gratitude as I warmed up my own bed.

What I have found is that I couldn't push the matter, I couldn't force myself to do it. I had to want it and want the feeling meditating brought me. I had experienced it enough to know that it felt good. I had learned it and taught it enough to know how to do it comfortably. I even acted as if - I told people that I meditated regularly. Not to create a farce, but in essence, to talk myself into it. What I have found is that I allowed myself to experiment with it to find what worked for me and to know that I am a better person when I meditate. I am calmer, more peaceful and more aware of my self. I want more silence and solitude. I have a 3 year old, I need all the silence and solitude I can get! I can now create this sanctuary of my own release and connection to my breath anytime I choose to. Now I practice this too.

Meditation doesn't need to be complicated. So many have said to me, "I don't know what to do" or "I can't make my mind stop". The most important thing you need to know about meditation is that you don't have to make your mind stop and there really is no thing you "do". You just sit down and be still and silent. Then pay attention to what happens. Eventually your mind will tire of the constant chatter and it will get silent too. Then the magic happens.

To relax, or not to relax.

"Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another."
- Anatole France

Does that sound like you? An example of this would be, taking a break from cleaning the house and "relaxing" by watching TV. Or "relaxing" from your work to check Facebook. Give me just about anything you do to relax and I can tell you why it isn't really relaxing. And now I'll tell you why you should care. Relaxation is the one true thing that will counter stress. Stress being more than just the generalized term used to describe everything annoying, interfering, interrupting and downright disliked that exists in our lives. It is all of that, to be sure, and it is so much more.
Stress is a physiological response of the body to something that is life threatening. Or at least it's theoretically life threatening. It could be a car accident, or near accident. It could be an illness or the illness of someone close to you. In modern times, however, it is usually something slightly less. It's the boss who hovers over your shoulder and never finds anything right in what you do. It's your spouses not so nice comments about your weight. It's the car that breaks down and costs more money than you have. Or the children that forget to do their homework and never seem to clean their room. It could be positive too. Your wedding, childbirth, interviewing for a new job, even winning the lottery. Stress like that is not life threatening but it sets up the same response in the body.
So what happens? When a stressful event occurs. adrenaline and epinephrin are released into the bloodstream and your heart rate goes up and blood pressure increases. Glycogen is released by the liver, your cholesteral increases and blood sugar goes up. Your breathing quickens to increase your metabolic rate. Your muscles tense to prepare for flight and lactic acid increases in the muscles. Cortisol* levels increase and your immune response is suppressed. All of this happens to prepare your body for the good old flight-or-fight. If it's life threatening you either fight it off or your run from it.
(*Cortisol is the hormone that causes you to retain fat around your middle)
Most of our stressors now are not life threatening. There IS nothing to fight or run from. There is no major physical action to burn off all this increased, well, everything. We get stuck in traffic - ZOOM - heart rate goes up. A customer yells at you on the phone - BAM - you start to sweat. Someone makes an inappropriate remark - BOOM - your muscles tense. Now what do you do with it? And this is happening every day. This build up in your body is happening on a regular basis without any real release. Can you see where our major health issues come from? Look at the list above again. Increased blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, cortisol levels and suppressed immune system.
It's time we recognize the importance of relaxation. It's really important. So here's the thing - watching TV, having a drink, reading a book, even sitting in a lawn chair watching the neighbors are NOT relaxing. It may seem that way because at least it's not stressful. What is truly relaxing? Meditation, breathing exercises, relaxation exercises or lying still on the floor. I seriously considered stating "exercises" after each one of those. Like with your cardio, stretching or even weights workout, these are exercise too. Consider it your mental or well-being workout. It's something you need to practice and do regularly in order to engage your relaxation response. Go to a class if you can, because for many people relaxation can be a challenge. Many people think they can't do it or they don't know how. It's crucial to try. Your life will thank you for it.

Go with the flow

For months now I have been thinking about, and now finally creating a new website. It is still in progress. I haven't written partly because I felt a shift in my focus and the messages I would share. And partly because I've been waiting for my new site to be completed. It has occurred to me that I do not need to wait. The thoughts and writings I'd like to share can be shared, regardless of the place. And so, today I'm going to let it flow.

"Life isn't meant to be fair, it's meant to be informative."

Flow has been the theme of my life lately. Going with the flow of life, to be specific. So often we fight the tide, and swim against the current. What we should do is float in it.

I imagine myself sitting lazily in an inner tube with my toes dangling in the water, head resting back, soaking up the sun. What better way to move through life?

Life - God, the Universe, Divine Energy - whatever you want to call it, does help us. It's just that we are often so busy fighting, begging, pleading, manipulating or whining to notice! Things don't always go the way we want. What we don't realize is that what we want isn't always the best for us. That means that there are other things out there that are a better fit, a better choice, a better path for our personal journey. It also means that sometimes situations are challenging. That's when we panic and start to paddle back - against the current.

Recently events in my life have proven to me that I don't always know the reason, but there is always a reason. I had planned last year to teach at a retreat that was to take place this last week. Several months ago I had a strong feeling that it wasn't going to happen. People weren't signing up as quickly as they did last year and another teacher canceled. My partner and I made the call and canceled the trip. I was disappointed and yet felt relief too. Then, my partner and I planned to go on a working trip, without our families. We got our dates mixed up. She went this past weekend, I'm going next weekend. During this past week - in which I was supposed to have been gone - I've had a business lunch which created a new partnership and many teaching opportunities and I've been here for my children's conferences and an event at their school. Most importantly, the facility that I teach Yoga at announced on Friday that it is closing. My last class was Saturday. Had I been gone at the retreat I would have missed the last week of classes. Had I gone to work this past weekend I would have missed the last class. New opportunities came up over the weekend as well.

In hindsight, it's clear that I was meant to be here. For myself, for others, for what is coming next. God just had other plans for me. I am grateful that I paid attention. Had I not heeded my own intuition I would have tried to force myself on those trips and missed an amazing week and all of these new things set before me. We all need to listen to our intuition more. Trust that there is a reason. Allow yourself to witness the beauty of flow. See where it takes you.

"At the end of the journey, every decision is seen as helpful
for one reason or another." ~ Betsy Otter Thompson

Moving into the Winter of our lives

Here in Minnesota it seems we went from (a late) summer right into fall. One day it was in the 80's and the next it was in the 50's and hasn't rebounded to anywhere in between. It's been cold and rainy, so much so that it prompted me to ponder, "October showers bring November....?"

While I wish we had some warm or at least warmer, fall days before the snow loomed, I know it's coming one way or the other: Winter. Alas, don't fear the winter. After many late evenings, feeling sleepy from all the sun. After time spent outdoors as much as possible. After doing everything we normally do in our daily lives, AND fitting in barbecues and baseball practice and walks outside, I for one am actually looking forward to winter.

Winter is a time to snuggle into your house and snuggle with your family. Watch a movie and eat popcorn, cook some homemade soup, get caught up on household projects or just sleep a little more. I often say I don't have a favorite season. My favorite season is all of them, as they begin and we shift from one set of activities to another. As the newness of each season approaches with anticipation we look forward to something different, even as we go about all the same routines and habits of old.

Speaking of old habits and routines, the changing of the seasons is also a little time for reflection. As you move into this winter, take time to look back, before the year is over completely, on what has transpired. Is this year going the direction you intended? Have you accomplished those things you wanted to do? Has it gone the way you wanted? Are you getting the results you want in your life?
Either way, I think winter in general, as opposed to just January, is a fantastic time to make some changes. Winter is a time for staying in, for being together, for self reflection. You go out less, you interact less, you spend less. Just like in the current economy. Sometimes life is lively and exciting and growing and expanding (summer) and sometimes life is calm and peaceful and introspective and reflective (winter). What will you do in this winter, both of season and of economic cycles? Go with the flow and take a look back at yourself.

Self reflection can mean reviewing those goals you set earlier in the year, or earlier in your life. It can also mean you find what's not working so well and find ways to make it better. Read more books, educate yourself, find someone you can talk through your problems and issues with, take charge of your health, spend more time with your family. Take this time, this winter of your life, to do whatever it is you need to do to prepare yourself for summer and the next cycle of expansion!

"There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself. "
~Ruth Stout

Stop and Smell the Milkweed

Take time to stop and smell the roses.

You know what that means. Slow down. Take time to appreciate the sights and sounds (and smells) around you. Stop rushing around and go with the flow. Stop, bend over and smell a flower for goodness sake!

We all rush around so much trying to DO that we forget, no, we won't ALLOW ourselves to stop for anything. Not our food, not our sleep, not our health, not our kids, and certainly not for a flower. Have you ever not taken a break just to go use the bathroom because you were urgently trying to finish something? How bad is it when we can't even stop to use the toilet??

Maybe you do take care of yourself. Maybe you do use the restroom, eat good food, play with your kids and smell the roses.

Do you stop to smell the Milkweed??

As hard as it may seem sometimes to stop for the things we know are really great (the smell of roses), it may seem crazy to think we should stop to check out things that at first glance don't look so hot (a milkweed).

For those of you who don't know, a milkweed is, well, a weed. It's a wild plant that in it's common form is found in the northeastern and north central areas of the U.S. and adjacent areas of Canada. It's called the milkweed because if broken it leaks a sap that looks like milk.
It can grow to between 4 to 6 feet tall. It is poisonous.

At first glance (and with no help from it's name) the milkweed is nothing special. If you found it in your yard or garden you would probably pluck it out. But if you looked closer you'd find an extraordinary plant. It may not have the conventional beauty of a rose, but it has it's own beauty and a whole host of surprises awaiting anyone willing to stop and smell the milkweed.

• The milkweed has over 140 known species and it's flowers range from white to orange and a wide spectrum of pinks.
• It's filaments (that carry the seeds once the milkweed pods open) have been used as insulation and some say are better than down feathers.
• The milkweed sap is a natural remedy for warts and poison ivy.
• Milkweed nectar was used as a natural sweetener by Native Americans and Voyageurs
• The Genus for milkweed, Asclepius, is named after the Greek god of healing, because of the many folk-medicinal uses for the milkweed plants.
• Milkweed plants and nectar are beneficial for many insects, including bees and the most well known milkweed feeding insect - the Monarch Butterfly.

When you do slow down in life, don't just stop for the beautiful things, the things that everyone else says you should enjoy, stop for the unusual, the different, the undervalued, the seemingly insignificant. Because the best part about taking the time to stop and check out something that we overlook and undervalue, the weed, is that...

...the flowers smell better than roses!

Things I know to be True

No one else is looking.

Everyone else is just as afraid as you are, it just may be of something else.

Happiness is possible.

Ice is cold, fire is hot.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

3 year olds do everything opposite on purpose.

Everyone does want to have meaningful work.

The larger the company the more inefficient and ineffective it becomes.

There is a reason for everything.

It is always darkest before the dawn.

We all just want to be loved.

Leisure

I recently participated in a great visualization exercise. This is the second time I've done it, although it was slightly different than the first. The essence of the exercise is to imagine yourself 5 years into the future, living your dream life. You picture yourself living in the house of your dreams or the in the city you've always wanted to live in. You imagine your day - how and where you wake up, what you eat for breakfast, who you spend your day with and what you do for work (or not, as the case may be).

The first time I did this, I was then asked to imagine 4 years, then 3 years, then 2 and so on discovering the point at which I couldn't "see" the dream anymore. When does it feel like it's no longer possible? When does my mind start to say, "no, I'm not ready yet" or "that just isn't possible"? A very telling experience in itself.

Yesterday was a little different and equally as telling. We went to the 5 year place and as I imagined my dream life I was to think about how I felt about different areas, say work, home or family. I had a before and after for a little bit of comparison and what struck me as being most different was my sense of leisure in my dream life. It was peaceful, deliberate, purposeful. It wasn't rushed, frantic, panicked or hurried. In a word, leisurely.

In our lives we so often think that things will be better when. When I get a different job, I'll make more money. When I find the perfect spouse I won't be lonely. When things slow down I'll spend more time with my kids. Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is WHEN is never going to happen. The good news is, WHEN is NOW. And some things you can literally change right this instant just by changing your attitude.

For me, leisure has felt like something I'll get when. When the work season is over. When I finish this project. When the house is clean. blah, blah, blah. That's my old story. New story: I can do everything with this feeling of leisure I apparently covet so much in my dreams.

For today I'm going to take a deep breath before I start my car, turn on my computer, get dressed, brush my teeth, speak to my kids. Today I'm going to purposefully move a little bit slower. Today I'm going to talk a little slower, eat a little slower, drive a little slower. Leisure is the theme of the day. I might even go put on a leisure suit to celebrate. Well, maybe not.

Let go and Trust

"At that point, I came to appreciate the ease by which I could release what I thought was for life and understood that reality was about having the courage to let go and trust." ~ Dr. Christine Page

What are you clinging to? To what do you need to let go of?

Take a deep breath in and exhale, letting go of whatever needs letting go of...

Luck, Schmuck

I am very fortunate to have really amazing friends and family. Some would say I'm just lucky. Since I do believe in the Laws of the Universe, I believe that luck really doesn't exist. And what, for most people, would appear to be luck in others is usually the result of focused intention, constant attention and ardent action. Meaning, it usually is the result of a lot more work than you can see.

I have been on quite a journey over the last 10 years, or really more I'm sure. It's hard to say where it all began. Maybe it was in Grade School when I knew I was going to do something important in this world. Maybe it was in High School when I was depressed and just wanted out of that feeling. Maybe it was in College when I got constant headaches and sought every form of treatment. Or maybe it really was that job with the people that "drove" me to panic attacks. It matters not because they all brought me to this path I am on.

That path was initially just a way out of bodily pain and general life discomfort. The aforementioned panic attacks, chronic knee pain, headaches, stress, not liking my jobs. The discomfort of my life was enough to cause me to seek something more. I was open and ready. Now my path is happiness and joy. I have found things - ideas, concepts, ways of thinking - that truly to bring me peace and joy. Now I strive to be there, in that place, as much as possible. Recently one of my business partners said they didn't like that word - strive - because it denoted working hard. I said, "well, aren't we?" Peace, joy and love is a full time job. If you don't give all your waking hours to it, the alternate is fear and hate. And I for one don't want that.

As I said, I am fortunate to have amazing friends and family. And some would say that they have given me much on this journey. They have. It's good to have friends and it's good to have connections. But one thing I realized today is that most of my important learning moments have been just me. I've had a lot of "A-ha!" moments on this path. Lately they've been more solitary. The insights I gained from reading a book. The soul searching after thoughts of my dad. The introspection during meditation.

Having the best friends in the world doesn't mean they have the power to change you. They may have been there along the way and they may support you in your growth, but they can't change the thoughts in your head. You have to be ready to just dive in, knowing that everything will be OK and trusting in the process.

"There are no slick solutions to the dilemmas...for self-individualization is asking us to metaphorically step out alone and, in truth, others may not understand..." ~Dr. Christine Page

In the end it's all you, baby. As they say in the movie Kung Fu Panda, "There is no secret ingredient..."

The great blue unknown

Fear of the unknown. Isn't that really at the root of most fears? I mean, that's the entire future of everything! Unknown, that is. It's called worry and it has to do with concern for anything that hasn't happened yet. Or really the imagined future. What if... this and what if... that. What if, indeed.

Does this fear hold you back? Are you not doing something because of a fear? Do you worry too much? Then you need a Moving Through Fear guide book. I haven't written it yet, but I imagine it would look something like this.

Chapter 1. Fear is everywhere. You could be afraid of everything. Anything can kill you at anytime without warning. Get over it.

Chapter 2. If you succumb to your fears you will not do anything. You will live a boring life. In fact it's pretty much impossible to not do anything. Most people probably couldn't if they tried. Lie on the floor all day. Is that what you really want?

Chapter 3. Decide which fears you can live with and which you can't. Do you really need to be around snakes? Can you avoid living where earthquakes happen? Who said you need to jump out of an airplane? Eating food and exercising - yes. Going out in public - probably. Speaking in public - maybe. Using public restrooms - optional. Pick your battles.

Chapter 4. Worrying doesn't change anything. It's a waste of time. Especially if it's over and done with (yes, I know people who worry about things that have already happened!) You may think you can't help yourself. You can. Trust me, waste of time. You have better things to do.

Chapter 5. Fear just keeps you small and limited. You were meant for bigger and better things. You want bigger and better, right? Or would you be willing to admit you want small and insignificant?

Chapter 6. Fear makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. Think about animals. When in fear, say cornered, they will bite, scratch, attack, maim, kill their own babies, push others off a ledge, gnaw their own leg off. Oh wait, I guess humans do that too. I think you can find a better way than gnawing your leg off, don't you?

Chapter 7. There is no such thing as NO FEAR, despite the brand name to the contrary. Without fear you would be paralyzed. So, just to be clear -you can live without worry, you can't live without fear.

Chapter 8. Now that you know you can't get rid of it altogether, figure out a way to move beyond it, through it, past it. It's called Courage. The people who have lived through the most fear have the most courage.

Chapter 9. In order to move through fear, find something more important than the fear. Your friends, your family, your children. How about yourself? YOUR livelihood. YOUR well-being. YOUR sanity. YOUR happiness. Isn't THAT worth it?

Chapter 10. Now, get out there and GO!

FEAR

In the Awaken to Joy program, our topic for the month is Fear (and Unmet Needs). I've been thinking about Fear a lot this year, partly because I've set my theme for the year to be Personal Power.

Creating Personal Power has a little to do with getting beyond Fear. One of the things I'm doing is actively seeking out things that push me out of my comfort zone. I didn't realize how challenging that would prove to be.

First, I have to find these things. Great discussions have ensued. Challenges have been suggested. Lists have been made. I've determined that this means I have to find things that, A. Do make me a little fearful, B. Are things that I am, in fact, remotely interested in, and C. Things that are feasible, for the most part.

For example, sky diving is something I am somewhat afraid of. Maybe I would do it, yet I've also determined it is something I am not the least bit interested in. It would probably cost more than I'm willing to pay. If I die 60 years from now without ever having gone sky diving, I will still die contented. I'm not sure sky diving would support my growth, nor am I sure it would bring me strength and power.

One of the things on my list is to skate in an Inline Skating Marathon in September. Inline skating is something I used to do a lot. Since having kids I haven't done it very much. I exercise very frequently, but to do a marathon I'd have to increase my strength and stamina plus get reacquainted with my skates. It won't cost me that much and it is something I'm a little nervous about doing. Check, check, check.

Most of us avoid things we are fearful of. Like the plague. Or sky diving. This is a good thing. For the most part. Yet, sometimes it is good to examine our fears and determine if they really are necessary. Fear is a learned behavior. Fear is a learned emotion. Often times something happened to condition us to fear. Or everyone else does it so we do too. Like snakes. Why does everyone hate snakes?

Do you really know what you are afraid of? Do you know why? Can you break free from the bonds of your own Fear? For me, Personal Power is about building the strength, internal and external, to handle anything that comes my way. To realize my fears and determine their validity. To dismiss them as unwarranted or decide I'm going to keep moving anyway. I want to be fearless. There is no joy in hiding anymore.

Rise Above

"We truly believe you can rise up above anger. That is not to say we rise up above all of our anger. We are still human and, as such, anger will appear. But with a higher consciousness, we are able to see more perspectives; we understand more, therefore we are able to choose different avenues than anger. After all, traffic is merely a whole bunch of cars going the same direction you are; a slow line at the grocery store is just other people who are also buying groceries for their families; and children make mistakes all the time, as do we all. "

Today, at least for today, think of yourself as a better person. The kind of person who can put yourself in another person's shoes and imagine what they must be going through. Right now, in this world, there are a lot of people who are hurting. They are hurting because they are afraid. They are hurting because they are hungry. They are hurting because they are confused and don't know what will happen next. Take stock of your life and be grateful for everything you do have. Step away from your pride and ego and let yourself be the calm one or the compassionate one. Be the one that helps another human being simply because you can.

Humans have a tremendous ability to rush to the aid of others in traumatic situations- a baby in a well, hurricane victims, cancer patients, plane crashes. Yet if we don't visibly see the source of suffering we allow ourselves to get irritated if people don't act the way we want them to. Enough is enough. Just for today reach out to someone, ANY ONE. Be a better person than you normally are.

Practice makes more.

"Practice kindness, and you start to become kind.
Practice discipline, and you start to become disciplined.
Practice forgiveness, and you start to become forgiving.
Practice charity, and you start to become charitable.
Practice gentleness, and you start to become gentle."
(Marianne Williamson)

Sensing a theme here?

I've suffered for some time from a so-called lack of will power. At least that's what I've told myself. And now I've said, "Self, this is bullshit. It's time you got off your duff and just did it anyway." And so I have. I now have the power of my will. At least that's what I'm telling myself and by God it's working.

James Arthur Ray says that we all suffer from ADD, at least when it comes to our misery. I'll add to that our laziness, our apathy, and our distractions. All the time, energy and money spent on the useless, the pointless and the negative. It's time to take back our attention and redirect into something meaningful and life changing. Why not? Were you planning on having a routine boring life? My guess is that wasn't what YOU wanted to be when you grew up.

So, what do you want to be? Just as important, how can you get there? I'm starting by acting as if. I wanted a meditation practice so instead of saying I didn't have the time or space, I changed it to "I meditate every day". And now I do. "I want to be strong." I go to the gym every day. "I want a strong immune system." I eat well and take vitamins. "I want to write." Yes I do.

And when things aren't going the way I want I remember that if I want to be it, I must start by doing it. No one else is ever going to do it for me and it sure as hell isn't going to just land in my lap.

Detox

"But the spiritual journey, the path of recovery and personal growth, is a detoxification process in which we bring up and out the negative beliefs we have carried with us from the past and that now poison the present."
- Marianne Williamson

Like my anger?

Anger

Don't be misled. I'm not angry. At least not right now. There was a time when I wasn't angry. Then there was a time when I wasn't angry and didn't show it. That was a long time. That's not to say that I was angry all the time. It's just that I just didn't get angry enough or loud enough in my anger. The problem is, as with anything, if you stifle it long enough it's bound to blow.

Then one day I woke up and I was angry. Really angry. Except I didn't even know I was angry. I just became what I felt was "violent". Please don't be misled. I didn't beat my husband or my children. I didn't throw things (unless you count pillows). And I didn't hurt myself. But I did see a rage I had never seen before in myself. I yelled. A lot. I'm almost embarrassed to say how much I yelled. I yelled at strangers on the phone. I yelled at my kids. And I swore. A lot.

Then one day I realized that I was angry. Great. Now what? Angry at what? Circumstances forced this anger to the surface and I got to really experience some raw anger. I was angry that I didn't have help. I was angry that I didn't ask for help. I was angry that I couldn't give my kids more of my energy. I was angry for having to be their everything - maid, servant, housekeeper, chef, chauffeur, personal hygienist, stylist. I was angry at being pregnant when I didn't want to be. I was angry at my body not being able to do what I wanted it to do, what it used to do. I was angry at being alone. I was angry at being alone and not being able to be angry at anyone else for it. I was angry at how women get treated. I was angry at and about everything.

Once I figured out that I was angry and what I was angry about, I let myself just be angry. Just be. I just made sure I didn't hurt anyone (at least physically) and I just went with it. Eventually I tired of it. I wore it out. I ran it and ran it and ran it until it was just out of breathe. Yelling felt old and useless. Swearing just seemed ineffective. I was starting to be done. It was good and it was done.

Now anger is one of the spectrum of emotions I feel. Part of my repertoire, a flavor I taste sometimes when the meal and moment is in need. I explored anger. I've determined when it's really anger and when it's merely irritation, or frustration or annoyance. There's a path to anger. Sometimes there are signs that appear and I try to remember that they lead to anger. Then I can remember that I don't have to go there. I might if the time and the situation calls for it. But then again, I might not.

A Farewell to the Year.

     Walking in the night;

Snow is falling,

     A farewell to the year.

Shara

The word farewell is from Middle English (faren wel) and means a wish of happiness or welfare at parting.  It also means a last look at, or reference to something.  I have also read that it was used previously to wish someone a good and safe journey.  I think it's safe to say all of these apply to 2008. 

I hope that you, as I do, have no regrets about the last year.  It was a spectacular year in terms of my personal growth and I believe has set me up for bigger and better things to come.  Things didn't always go the way I wanted or planned.  I have learned to go with the flow and be more in harmony.  Now, things may not go the way I want but I do understand that in some way or another I have asked for it and I can't always dictate exactly how I get it.  Be it physical things, experiences or life lessons.

As I have no regrets I do wish the last year well.  In other words, I depart in happiness.  I plan to take what I've learned - the things I liked - about last year and repeat them with bigger and better results.  Likewise, for all those that have touched my life, or I theirs, I wish them happiness and well being too.

I look forward to a good and safe journey for 2008 and beyond.  A recent Muselan discussion regarding New Year's Resolutions brought up the idea of a theme for the year, instead of a list of goals.  Some of the themes offered by others included creativity, adventure, nonattachment and growth.  I had initially set a theme of Bigger and Better.  But recently, one of my friends who is turning 40 in a few weeks told me this is her year of "me".  I said, "More power to you!".  So in the spirit of a bigger and better me, let 2009 be the year of Personal Power!

In the New Year may you all be happy, healthy, wealthy, wise and whole!