Thanks Giving

"When you arise in the morning give thanks for the morning light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks the fault likes in yourself."

- Tecumseh, Shawnee Chief

Today I give thanks for:
My loving husband, his partnership and his humor.
My amazing children, their wonder and authenticity.
My family, their unconditional love and everything they have taught me.
The Muses, their inspiration and acceptance.
Yoga, it's benefits of health and opening my mind to many more things.
My body, for all that it is capable of and for being not flawless, but whole.
Nature, for teaching me and feeding me (in more ways than one).
Money, not a weapon but a tool.
And for all the things that I have resisted and disliked and feared, for they have taught me the most.

FREEDOM!

I'm writing to you today from a Residence Inn in the town right next to where I live. I'm with girlfriends on a freedom weekend, a get-away to connect, relax, catch up and restore. We've hugged, we've cried, we've eaten good food and we've slept. Now we're painting, making cards, scrapbooking, writing and gabbing. Tonight we're ordering Chinese take out and watching a movie. Tomorrow we go home.
I don't have to get milk cups, make meals, change diapers, break up fights, or clean up toys. I can go to bed when I want and I can get up when I want. I'm even going to go to a yoga class in the middle of the afternoon! I need this.
We all need time to restore. I think women, especially moms, are often so busy taking care of others that we feel guilty taking care of ourselves. Everyone needs caretaking at times, and if we don't get it from others, we need to give it to ourselves.
My kids were a little sad when I told them I would be gone for a couple of days. I told my oldest son that I was going to do Mommy stuff and that when I come back I'll be a better mommy because of it. He seemed to understand that, or at least it sounded good to him.
I'm going to go have another glass of water and snack on a few edamame beans, then I'm going to do some Yoga.

Limerick for a Fruit Fly

There once was a young boy called Freight Train,
And the eating of fruit was his meal main
He left plums in the car
No, they weren't in a jar
The fruit flies have multiplied, they're a real pain.

The birds and the bees

In our house the birds and the bees are now known as the sheep and the cows.

My mom has recently acquired 3 sheep: 2 Icelandic sheep, mom and lamb, that they bought and 1 baby lamb that was given to them. The orphan lamb, named Sammy the Lamby, is sort of a "Mary had a little lamb" kind of thing - fairly small, white and cute with soft ears sticking straight out to each side. After meeting him for the first time Super Salad (our Sammy boy, age 7) said that he thought Sammy the Lamby was cute but he kept "prancing" on him. My poor mom was horrified to think that her grandson might someday remember that Grammy's house was were he went and got mounted by the lamb.

Freight Train (age 5) was out fishing with his brother, uncles and cousin this past weekend. We had a little bonfire and smores later in the evening when he announced that he saw a bull on top of a cow. Matter of fact, just "guess-what-I-saw". I don't think I've ever even seen that. I don't think I ever want to see that.

Who needs the birds and the bees? My work here is done.

Ode to the First Day of School

Anticipating so much went to bed without fuss
Reading stories called I Love School
and Tiptoe into Kindergarten

Labeling backpacks and discussing lunch menus
Let's not forget the gym shoes
Forms, forms, forms to fill out

What's my teacher's name again?
I wonder what project we'll start tomorrow
Pick out the shirts they'll wear first day

Don't think I'll like school
It's different and new
At least all my friends will be there

So excited he woke before dawn
Don't fix my hair, already brushed teeth, can't eat
Backpack on, waiting by the door half hour early

Thought he missed the bus, almost cried
Rained as we waited, we were wet, not from tears
Smiled as the photogs kept clicking, sustained "cheese"

Boys are gone, baby girl to sleep
House is suddenly so quiet
Nana gone, Daddy gone
Mommy sits in total stillness and silence.

On a positive note

Another day, another smile :-) (thanks, Karen)
Another day, another hug
Another day, another squeal of delight
Another day, another sweet sleepy toddler
Another day, another special Godzilla drawing for me
Another day, another snuggle with my squidgy widgy
Another day, another song
Another day, another laugh
Another day, another I Love You

Another Day

I've decided we need to update some of the old-fashioned sayings. Here's my vote for today:
"Another day, another dollar" Here are my new suggestions:

Another day, another tantrum
Another day, another school open house
Another day, another 4 loads of laundry
Another day, another tomato smashed into the carpet
Another day, another bath towel in the bath water
Another day, another panty liner stuck to the toddler's head
Another day, another screen fell out of the window behind the couch because the toddler went back there and pushed it out and I found her standing at the open window and I almost had a heart attack.

I'd like the dollar too, please.

All in a day's work

A summary of my day so far:

6:50 a.m. Wake up with husband's alarm clock. Husband does not get up.
6:55 a.m. Move car out of garage and on to street in anticipation of roofers coming at 7:30 a.m.
7:00 a.m. Turn on the computer. Go get dressed.
7:10 a.m. Do paperwork - get job list and route to our 5 work crews to install underground cable. Do a few underground locate tickets, check e-mail.
7:19 a.m. Fight with 5-year-old (Freight Train) about going back to bed because it's really too early for him to be up and not crabby.
7:25 a.m. Lie down with Freight Train.
7:30 a.m. Decide to screw it and get up anyway. Roofers arrive and start scraping on the roof. Go back to computer and do more work.
8:08 a.m. Wake up 2 year old (Pink Baby) and 7 year old (Super Salad). Change diaper, get them dressed, put my hair up, make 2 bowls of oatmeal, prepare snacks and water bottles, eat a bowl of cereal, put sunscreen on 2 kids, brush or monitor brushing of 3 kids' teeth, brush my own teeth, let the dogs out, refill dogs water dish, answer the phone, and tell Freight Train for the 10th time that he can't go outside and watch the roofers.
8:45 a.m. Pack up boys in the car, go around the corner and pick up 2 more kids and drive them all to golf camp.
9:10 a.m. Return home. Go through 5 days worth of mail, check e-mails again, make 10 customer phone calls and take 4 phone calls, clean up kitchen from breakfast, get toys out for Pink Baby, make much needed coffee, start dishwasher, do more locate tickets, update calendar on the fridge, talk to husband, give Pink Baby a snack.
10:45 a.m. Realize that I'm still wearing the shirt I slept in. Change shirts.
11:45 a.m. Go pick up 5 boys at golf camp, drop off 1 at their house, take 4 home with me.
12:10 p.m. Start making lunch. Try putting clothes back on Pink Baby, give up and give her a bowl of frozen peas to tide her over until lunch is ready.
12:15 p.m. Freight Train goes to the garage to show his friends how our garbage lid won't shut because I threw away the roller shade from their room that wouldn't work and is falling apart. Super Salad decides at that time to take his frog, Swimmer, out of his habitat and show him off as well. Standing in the door to the garage the frog takes a leap out of his hands. Dad and Mom spend 30 minutes, alternately, looking in the garage for the frog. With a flashlight.
12:45 p.m. Feed kids.
12:55 p.m. Clean Pink Baby, redress her (halfway) and put her in her room for a nap. Second helpings for 4 boys. Bus plates. Clean table. Clean floor. Hose down house.
1:10 p.m. Finally make it on to conference call scheduled for 1pm.
1:40 p.m. Check on the boys. Sit down and take a breath. Back to the computer.

Dammit

I guess summer IS officially here. I can't believe I haven't blogged for almost a month! It has been busy. Why does summer seem so busy? My theory is that we do all the things we normally do + we add outdoor activities. Still gotta cook and do laundry and go to work. AND want to garden, play outside, go to the park. No wonder it stays light later.

This evening I made it to the new corner garden for more than just a look see. Things have gotten big, including the weeds. Thing is though, I'm not sure what all is weeds and what just may be something of value. The kids tossed seeds from a kids seed mix, so I'm just not sure what's what (except the seedlings I did plant). Doesn't matter too much, it's crowded and certain I-know-what-it-is plants need more light.

The kids were playing in the sandbox. Freight Train created a lake with the hose and Pink Baby was thoroughly dirty. Super Salad joined them in the mess making. "Dammit!" I heard from the sandbox. I uttered the standard mom response, "WHAT did you say?!" Again I heard "Dammit!" then "Dam it up, Sammy! The water's getting out!".

Oh.

Silence

Sometimes silence is good:
meditation
someone else is mad and yelling
your spouse or child makes a mistake
when volunteers are asked for
after lots of visitors
unearth a lie
don't need to talk so much
outside alone
I don't want to watch the train this close up
sleeping (exception: sounds of crickets and frogs through my open window in the summertime)


Sometimes silence is not good:
personal space is being violated
manners are needed
Mozart
safety
who did it? (not me, of course)
speak your piece(peace) - hello, 5th Chakra
ask for help, already!
not a doormat
there was a children in the room, now she is gone, where is she? in the bathroom covered with shampoo

This is what happens...

when you have 2 older brothers.
Is it just me, or does it look like she's enjoying this? Mama, please don't let your daughters grow up to be headbangers.

Mother's Day Gratitude

Lately I've been focused on choosing to see the positive. The duality of life is that there is positive and negative. I just believe there can be a lot more positive if that is what we choose to focus on. I'm not going to focus on or dwell on the negative, it just makes me feel bad and tends to attract more of the same. Likewise, if I focus on the positive I feel good and I get even more of the good stuff.

Someone (Wayne Dyer? Judith Lasater?) said, "What you appreciate, appreciates". Gratitude is such a big part of being positive, because as the quote says, what you appreciates grows and you get "more of the good stuff".

This idea came from Nona over at Everyday Yogini. In honor of Mother's Day, a chance to express my gratitude for my family, my children and the incredible experience of being a mother.

Marya's top 10 Mommy Gratitude List

1. I am grateful for each of my children - that they chose me as their mother, for each of the unique ways they came to be, that I get the joy of seeing them live and grow.

2. I am grateful for Sammy, my oldest boy. 'Super Sammy Salad' I love his creativity and imagination, his ease of life and willingness to try just about anything. I love his humor and goofy stories. I appreciate his love of nature and desire to learn. I've learned more about dinosaurs, sharks, frogs and bugs than I ever knew I wanted.

3. I am grateful for Anthony, middle child. 'Freight Train', 'Monkey Bucket' I love his noodley little body and the way it squidges. I love his emotions, his drama and his quest for attention, even when it drives me crazy sometimes. I love his persistence and sense of order and his quiet calm when he focuses on something he enjoys. I love his funny little giggle, the kind that makes you laugh with him. His love of garbage trucks and obsession with recycling has made us all more aware. (We even have a compost bin now)

4. I am grateful for Eden, baby girl. 'Pink Pocket of Perpetrating Baby' I love her facial expressions and breath talk and the way she twists her hair when she's tired, knots and all. I love her persistence and perpetrating. (It was the butter dish this morning) I love her contemplation and quiet yet also the running and squeeling. Every day is an adventure.

5. I am grateful for my husband who loves me, treats me like a queen and allows me "mommy time" for my sanity. And as my mom reminds me, he is partly responsible for me being a Mom.

6. I am grateful for all of the support of my family and friends. Especially the reminder that someday I'll even look back on the really bad days and miss them too.

7. I am grateful for my health and strength. I've often said that as long as I'm healthy and feel well I can handle anything.

8. I am grateful that we have access to everything we need, that there is always enough, and that my children are truly blessed.

9. I am grateful for the love and affection we display. That I can say "I love you" to my kids all the time and that they know I mean it. That they say it back is even better.

10. I am grateful for everything. There is not a single thing in my life I regret and that is what keeps me constantly working to make my life not just the best it can be, but unforgettable. I want it to just keep getting better. My kids are such a big part of that because they have changed me and pushed me and calmed me and taught me in ways I could have never imagined before.

Happy Mother's Day!

I am Selfish

Hello, my name is Marya and I am selfish. There, I've admitted it.
That makes it sound so guilt-ridden, doesn't it? Well just let me clarify. I am selfish and I do not feel guilty.
So I just looked up selfish and selfish I'm not. (Selfish - \'sel-fish\adj : concerned with one's own welfare excessively or without regard for others.)
But you know what? I just don't like the definition. I'm going to make up a new one (is that selfish?) Selfish - \'sel-fish\adj : concerned with one's own welfare before attending to the welfare of others.
Here's what I mean. Do you know how on airplanes they give you emergency instructions and they tell you that if you are traveling with children how you should put on your own oxygen mask first and then put them on your children? Have you ever heard the phrase, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy?" That's what I'm talking about.
And it doesn't even have to be children. It could be friends, family, spouse or significant other. How many of you give and give and give until there's nothing left of you? How many of you sacrifice things you love just to give your time and energy to someone else? How many of you don't regularly pursue your own interests or have put them aside indefinitely because you "don't have the time anymore"?
What I want to know is, how you can you give anything you don't have? If you don't have time for yourself, how can you give time to another? If you don't have energy, how can you give energy for another? Most importantly, if you don't have love for yourself, how can you give love to another?
I'm getting verklempt. Here's your topic: You can't hold what you don't have in your hand and you can't give what you don't have. Discuss.

Patience, part deux

Did I mention that having kids takes patience? Oh good. At least we're clear on that.

Today my 6 1/2 year old son came home from school and said "I have good news and bad news!"
Scary enough when an adult says it, makes you really nervous coming from a first grader.
"Yes..." was my anticipatory reply. "The good news is I lost my tooth!" Good news indeed. This is his first lost baby tooth. It has been loose for a month. Most of his friends are working on 5th or 6th teeth. No matter that, he has strong teeth and they take a little longer. And yet, the new tooth was already half way in. I had just called the Dentist yesterday.
Now, on to the bad news. "I lost my tooth at the end of the day because I tried to bite Jenna because I was so mad I didn't know what to do and I think I swallowed my tooth." Oh. We're still trying to figure out why he would bite his friend (he "can't remember"). I doubt he swallowed the tooth but he doesn't seem to know where on earth it could have gone. I think I'll ask his teacher on both counts. Maybe we can then find out what really happened.

Patience

Having kids is never boring. You may have seen an e-mail circulating that says something to the effect of - "you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like..." If you haven't, let me know and I'll forward it to you. It is pretty funny. I have 2 boys, trust me, I know.
But then just when you think you've got things figured out, you get the proverbial monkey wrench. Mine is a baby girl named Eden. She's 21 months old, tall for her age and terribly coordinated. She's like my boys, X2. A month ago she finally realized that she had the ability to crawl out of her crib. Then to top it off she opened the door and let herself out.
She would be on the ceiling if her hands had suction cups. Since she doesn't she only makes it halfway up the wall.
Tonight, she went into her brothers' bathroom, shut the door and opened one of the drawers. It just so happened that the drawer was next to the door and essentially locked her into the room. And we couldn't pick the lock. So she happily ate toothpaste and chewed on her brothers' toothbrushes while sitting in the shower for the hour we tried, unsuccessfully, to get the door open. Finally, out of sheer randomness, she shut the drawer and came out. Oblivious. Thank God she didn't remember the joy of dropping things in the toilet.

So here is my own version of the e-mail. It goes something like this...

Things I've learned from my baby girl:
1. Goo gone gets pen off the television and permanent marker off the hardwood floor.
2. Too much bubble bath makes it hard to see the baby when she falls into the tub with her clothes on.

3. Babies prefer Cover Girl makeup.

4. It takes 5 washings with Dawn dish soap to get Cover Girl foundation makeup out of hair. (which, by the way, is scary – isn’t Dawn what they use to get OIL out of the fur and feathers of wild animals? How many washings does it take them?)
5. Sit 'n' Spins aren't that great unless you need to reach the counter top.

6. Long hair makes pretty knots.

If you wake up from your nap and are poopy, you can try to change yourself:

1. Take out every diaper you can find
2. Grab the box of wipes and pull out every single one.
3. Don’t forget the powder
4. Fall asleep on top of the pile of wipes on the floor.

This is a work in progress. Let's just hope it doesn't get too much longer.

'Tis the Season

For too much TV. I hate to admit it because 80% of the time it's not like this, but right now my kids are watching what I would deem 'too much TV'.
I don't normally watch a lot of TV. Not that I'm against TV in general or have it banned around here or anything. There are several reasons I don't watch much:
1. I have 3 kids, when do I ever get to sit down and watch what I want?
2. I have a husband who has a secret remote control magnet in his hand. Even if I were to sit and watch TV, if he comes into the room the remote gets sucked away from me into said hand.
3. The news (and many other related shows) are too depressing or sad for me. As I've learned through being a part of the program A Year of Living Compassionately (which incidentally is focusing on Media for March), watching things that make me sad only feed into many of my fears and cause me to obsess and dwell and spiral down into a black hole of ick. no thanks.
4. I live in Minnesota. We only really get good outside weather for maybe half the year. I do NOT want to spend that precious time inside watching TV.
Which leads me to know. It's February. It's freakin' cold! (-12 with a wind chill of -30 anyone?) It's bland and gloomy. I've spent waaaayy to much time alone with my kids and now they're all finding Blues Clues just a little too entertaining. It seems all activities last about 10 minutes before they get bored with them. Then it's either torment the dog time or play roller coaster with the baby's ride-on toy. Or "What can I do now MOM?"
And did I mention I have a 1 1/2 year old? Otherwise I probably would take the boys sledding or tubing or some such winter activity on the not so cold-as-hell days. It's hard enough getting her dressed at all, never mind that she refuses to wear a hat or mittens. I really don't know - is it easier to stay in or not?
So far this week we've seen the aforementioned Blue Clues, plus Wow Wow Wubzy, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Oddparents, Dinosaur King, Ni Hao Kai Lan (Chinese version of Dora?) and of course waaaayy too much Dora the Explora, I mean Explorer. There's also DVD's of Shark Week and the Godzilla collection. Frankly I'm tired of all this too. I'm really lamenting the boy's self made decision to not have computer privileges this week (as a result of a fist fight that erupted when the 10 minutes of playing with the train set was over).
Any suggestions?

Something Unfavorite - Toys with Noise rant

Let this be a warning to all present and future parents, all current friends, neighbors and relatives and most especially to all toy designers and manufacturers: Noisy Toys Be Damned

At what point in our human evolution did we decide that somehow our babies weren't being properly stimulated unless they had a toy that was bright, plastic and NOISY? Wooden trains not good enough? Frisbee too dull and boring? Even Barbie kept her mouth shut thankfully. And what happened to a good old fashioned BALL?

Last Christmas our neighbors, who probably do qualify for some sort of "Best Neighbor in the World" award, did the unthinkable. They bought our children large extravagant gifts for Christmas. Amazing as they are, they bought one toy that at this point is haunting me in my sleep, ala "Chuckie". It's name is T. J. Bearytales. It "reads" stories to kids (because we parents have gotten to lazy to do it?) It says things like "bear-ific!" much to my annoyance. It has both a soft and LOUD volume, as if it's necessary. I know my neighbors meant well, they just likely don't realize exactly how un-bear-able these things can be.

Did you know there is actually a whole category of these toys that don't have an OFF button? Who's the sadist who thought that was a brilliant idea? I'm going to collect a whole truckload of these toys - real sounds motorcycle handlebars, Elmo guitar, and Batman monster truck included - and send them to that guy's house right after I know he's just quit smoking cold turkey.

I secretly sneak into my kids rooms at night and try to remove these toys without setting off their hideous noises. The next day I try to explain where the Shake 'n' Go Racers have gone. Is there a toy heaven? or hell?

Now I realize that as parents we take some blame. We get sucked into the cuteness of toys just as much as the little booties and tiny handprint keepsakes. "My kid would LOVE this!", we exclaim. It's just that as kids get older, or you have more than one, you start to figure out reality from stupidity. Don't get suckered by the TMX Elmo. TMX stands for Tickle me XTREME, like a small red talking, giggling puppet isn't bad enough now it has to move?. You might think it's cute until your one year old has twitchy spasms of terror after seeing it roll on the floor for real. Elmo is a monster after all.

I'm not suggesting we all dump these toys into garbage cans and take care of them bra burning style. It's just as in everything else - think before you buy. Let's vow not to inflict noisy toys on our brethren. Or more importantly, let's try to buy less there's-a-good-chance-this-will-be- recalled-for-lead-paint toys. And don't forget, the same guy who brought us these wonderfully stimulating toys is probably also behind the idea that processed cardboard food would somehow be better for us than real food.

Books part duex - Dr. Suess

Dr. Suess. AKA Theodore Geisel. He started writing children’s books in the late 30’s and early 40’s with “To think that I saw it on Mulberry Street”, which was rejected by 27 publishers. He was clearly ahead of his time. Not only in that he wrote fun, nonsensical rhyming books for kids, in an age of Dick and Jane, but many of his books carry a deeper meaning about the environment (The Lorax), war (The Butter Battle Book), hatred and segregation (The Sneetches) and health care (You’re Only Old Once: a book for obsolete children). Here are my favorite lines from that book:

For your Pill Drill you’ll go to Room Sic Sixty-three,
where a voice will instruct you, “Repeat after me…
This small white pill is what I munch
At breakfast and right after lunch
I take the pill that’s Kelly green
Before each meal and in between.
These loganberry-colored pills
I take for early morning chills.
I take the pill with zebra stripes
To cure my early evening gripes.
These orange-tinted ones, of course,
I take to cure my charley horse.
I take three blues at half past eight
To slow my exhalation rate.
On alternate nights at nine p.m.
I swallow pinkies. Four of them.
The reds, which make my eyebrows strong,
I eat like popcorn all day long.
The speckled browns are what I keep
Beside my bed to help me sleep.
This long flat one is what I take
If I should die before I wake.”

If you’re ever in the mood for simple fun, try my other favorites, What Was I Scared of? (pale green pants with nobody inside ‘em!) and Fox in Socks. It’s hard to not to giggle while reading about when tweedle beetles battle with their paddles in a bottle on a noodle eating poodle.

Halloween

Another successful Halloween has passed. We are now sufficiently loaded up on candy to make the kids arm-flailing-eye-rolling-back-in-the-head episodes continue at least until the sugar high that is Christmas. Joy. Actually, aside from the gruesome candy it was a good day. After weeks of working on Sammy's costume we finally pulled it together for the big night. What a riot! I just followed him and chuckled the whole way. He's a Spinosaurus, BTW.


Then there's Anthony. My sweet boy. The kid wants to be a garbage man. When he grows up. Actually, a lawn refuse collector (he's quite specific - they have a different kind of truck, you know.) So how on earth does a person make a garbage man costume? Don't ask me, I still haven't quite figured it out. Here he is anyway...
The baby was an angel (well, is an angel) but dressed like one for Halloween. She wouldn't keep the halo on and stayed in the wagon the whole time and kept trying to eat treats IN the wrapper. Oh well, at least she's cute!

Curious George

I love Curious George. My 4 year old is not a TV watcher in general but loves this show. I, in turn, love it too. Through this love of Curious George we are adding to our already unique family language. We can thank George for the terms “Smell-o-Vision”, “Flopification Pot” and “Window Monkey”. I am now fond of saying: “I want a window monkey! Where’s MY window monkey?” (using a tone of voice much like Veruca Salt from Willie Wonka).

My husband already calls our son “monkey bucket”. He’s the king of nicknames. When our son was born we argued over what to name him. We’re not so good with boy names. I wanted Jalen, he wanted anything but. Actually, it had more to do with Chicago sports than anything. You see, we have 2 dogs named “Walter” and “Payton”. Our first son is named Samuel, but we call him Sammy (as in Sammy Sosa – that was the deal we struck). So for the second boy we went through any number of Chicago sports player names. Brian (Urlacher), Mike (Ditka), Michael Jordan (first or last name would have worked), George (Halas). I think he might have even considered Rex. Anthony was the only name I would consider, after Anthony Thomas. We flipped coins. I lost. Anthony it was (and his middle name actually is Thomas).

When we brought him home from the hospital our older son (then 1 ½ years old) couldn’t say Anthony. He called him Ant-ny and it stuck. My husband also called him “A-train” which later turned in to “Freight Train” and that stuck. The monkey part came from the way he would just hang on his. As a baby and toddler you could hold him on your hip and he would “just mold to your body” as one of my friends’ mother said. He was like a monkey – you could let go and he’d hang on.

Don’t ask me where bucket came from. Oh, and sometimes there’s a “lips” thrown in for good measure. We sure do love our Freight Monkey Bucket Lips.